Showing posts with label mistaken signals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mistaken signals. Show all posts

Saturday, April 28, 2018

DIVORCE: Mistaken Signals, an Aging Disposition

Divorce is dumb and it's tragic
image of a penny with 'In God We Trust' This blog post is about the unfortunate situation in this nation involving divorce. I have to say up front that I have seen far too many great marriages end in divorce because of what I'd call "mistaken signals." I almost had a divorce myself because of my own suspicious mind.
Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. (click here)
Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology
Here's a hypothetical situation that is so close to my own that I actually hate to bring it up, but if it's true for me and for others I have observed, then it's got to be the case for many. If I can help just one married couple avoid a needless divorce, then it's worth the effort.
  1. A man loses confidence in his own manliness, which is something that happens to the best of men as they age....
  2. He begins to watch for signs of changes in his wife which could signal her having contact with another man.
  3. The woman, even though she is faithful to her man, could lose faith in him as he slips into the bowels of suspicion. She's aware of his problem and at first it's cute, but after a time it becomes annoying because she feels that she has to justify everything she does.
  4. The man magnifies any change at all into a full blow issue, ramping up his observation of his wife in her daily activities. Perhaps she's late getting home a few nights from work, perhaps she has a few new phone numbers on the cell phone, or maybe new contacts she's texting to.
  5. He begins to monitor her email, watches her facebook, watches her activities on Google+. He leaves work a few minutes early to see if she's where she's suppose to be--alone, all the while verbally accusing her of infidelity and demanding to know who she's talking to.
  6. Now she is growing tired and frustrated with the accusations of things that she's not doing, so she begins to circle the wagon by changing her email password, defriending her husband on facebook, buying herself a throwaway cell phone for personal communications. Now he's made it a point to identify anyone and everyone she talks to. He installs a special app on her cell phone that enables him to monitor her conversations.
  7. His wife's efforts to keep her hubby isolated from her personal life (to keep him from contacting friends) is an even bigger sign to hubby that he's right, that his wife is cheating on him at every turn. He begins to follow her to and from work to see where she goes. He sits across the
    street from were she works to make sure she's where she's suppose to be. He installs a GPS tracker on the vehicle so he can follow her every move. He knows where she goes, how long she's there, and when she comes and goes. He's on to her, so he thinks...
  8. She grows tired of the difficulties, tired because her spouse is not supporting her efforts (like she's working two jobs), and she falters, throwing herself into another man's arms all the time looking for the man she married--a man who went AWOL some time ago.


Now, there is no denying that the wife finally did do the very thing that her hubby was accusing her of, and if he actually catches her at it, he may feel vindicated of the allegation that some have assigned to his paranoia that "he's simply lost his mind."
In reality, if it hadn't been for his lack of self esteem and security as well as all the accusations, name calling, and aggressive behavior toward her friends--with whom noting was amiss--perhaps his wife wouldn't have faltered and failed in the end.

I ask you, who's fault is it if this married were to end in divorce?

Hers or his?

Should the hubby go in for a psych eval to determine whether he was having a senior-related moment?

How could this marriage be saved in the end analysis?

For the serious researcher:

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